It's a wonderful world

What a brilliant Attenborough ad - just magical.

It's David Attenborough reading the lyrics to "It's a wonderful world" with some glorious footage from across the many brilliant natural history documentaries the BBC have produced. 

http://www.bbc.co.uk/nature/16069118

Contagion

I watched the film Contagion last night. IMDB only gives it 7.1 but I'd give it more, it's a great movie. The film is all about a new infection similar to Sars or H1N1, except it's a lot more aggressive (similar to Spanish Flu).

 Having spent the morning sneezing on my keyboard it definately has got me thinking about how easily a new disease could be spread. In fact, I was just coughing and can now see little spots of flem on my monitor. Grim indeed, should have covered my mouth really but it took me by surprise.

Indeed in our little office, which can be a bit nippy at times, we regularly see a domino effect where one person gets a cold, then someone else, etc, until it's done the rounds in the office.

It's terrifying to think about the possibility of such a disease spread, it's real, it's possible, and in the best case scenario millions die, in the worst most of us do... it's depressing. So I think instead I'm going to focus on the two more serious messages contained within the film Contagion.


Issue 1: Is Gwyneth Paltrow a disease ridden whore who'll kill us all?

Answer concluded by the film Contagion = YES. No seriously, watch the film - her character is a transnational tramp who slags about and kills us all. Seriously, it's hilarious. I actually wonder if they created the film just to take the piss out of Paltrow? The autopsy scene is the best, the cinema audience actually cheered when they cut her head open!!!

Issue 2: Is Matt Damon a hot fatty?

Answer conclucded by the film Contagion = YES. Matt Damon is a caring and loving dad, driven to eat his feelings by his bitch wife Gwyneth Paltrow. Clearly Damon has bulked up for the film, and not in the way most actors bulk up for an action-role, seriously the boy has eaten a lot of pizza. Was it nessasary? Probably yes, if he was his usual sexy-self you'd have sympathised less for him. His lardiness helps you understand why he would have scrapped the barrel and settled for Paltrow, who's constantly jetsetting off to foreign climbs to have sex with horses and eat raw dog meat. The amazing thing is, that even though Damon has gained ALOT of puppy fat, he's still adorably hot.

So the most important message of the film is: Look after yourself or Gwyneth Paltrow will give you a disease and you'll never get a girl/boyfriend (unless you're Matt Damon). 

But seriously, watch the film - it's good!

Now wash your hands!

Important clarification...

Many people get confused between a Christmas Decoration and Kevin Bacon.

This is a Christmas Decoration

And this is Kevin Bacon.

Both are in my loft, in a box, wasting space.

Now you know, bookmark this page for future reference.

Dreams vs reality

It's good to dream, it's good to have a positive image of yourself - even if it's based on sheer delusion.

Be inspired!

Internet Advertising makes me sad

This morning I'm very sleepy, internet adverts are trying to make me feel bad - to them I say.

I used to look and feel like this.

Today I look and feel like this:

ITS THE WEEKEND, BE HAPPY

Brilliantly smart-ass responses to completely well-meaning signs.

YOU MUST READ THIS

Unless you're blind

Brilliantly smart-ass responses to completely well-meaning signs. - see them all

Some of my favourites below

Steve Jobs

Was Steve Jobs a visionary? Probably! But do I jump on the mourning band wagon? Hell no! I'm going straight on the humour band wagon - a psychologist might say it's a defence mechanism for my grief... I just think the internet has found a way to make someone's untimely demise hilarious...

I text my friend to tell him about Steve Job's, I said "iSad" - he came back and said "iSad2"

#iFuneral4s
#iRip
#iDontcareany4

Now that's he's passed, do you think Steve Jobs will go to Windows Heaven?

Have you heard? Like my iPhone battery, Steve Jobs just died.

Mummy, will there be signal in heaven?
Yes dear, but the angels will be an upgrade coming next year... unless they are delayed 3 months and you actually get midgets with wings glued on.

Courtesy of Sickipedia.org (I've skipped the cancer jokes, that's too far)

• You can bet Steve Jobs' funeral won't be a flash affair.

• So you think it's funny to make jokes about the dead? iDon't.

When Reagan was president, we had Johnny Cash, Bob Hope, and Steve Jobs. In Obama's America, no Cash, no Hope and no Jobs... Steve Jobs isn't really dead, the nurses are just holding him the wrong way.         Steve Jobs' funeral will be held next week, after which he will be reburied every six months in a slightly better coffin.

Wednesday Happies

I'll confess, I'm in a grumpy mood today. But courtesy of #Kittencamp last night I've some happy virals to share that will bring all some happy: