Monday, January 19, 2009


"How many times have you wasted an hour of your life in a
rubbish presentation? It’s horrible isn’t it? You
sit there, glued to your chair whilst some suit stands in front
of you droning on about something. I’ve thought about it
and I’ve come up with something like 900 hours –
that’s 900 hours of my life being killed by PowerPoint...

From now on I’m going to follow the following rules whilst
sitting through a presentation:

1. When the presenter says “this is interactive, please
ask questions if you have any” I’m going to stand up
and ask him/her why he’s/she’s here. In fact I
intend to question everything.
2. If he/she starts using words
that I have banned or don’t understand I’m going
to stand up and ask what the word means. I will do this because
I am convinced that they do not know what the word means.
3. If
the presenter is boring me I intend to tell them (not show
them), and I intend to tell them why.
4. If the presenter reads
the bullet points word for word then I will join them. I will
read their bullet points word for word too. In fact I may sing
5. If the terms “ducks in a row”,
“pushing the envelope” or any other bullshit terms
are used in the presentation I will stand up and turn my back to
the presenter and wait for an apology.
6. If the presentation
reaches slide 32 I will leave the room.
7. If the presenter has
slides with more than twenty words I will stand up and demand
pictures and a hand book.
8. If the presenter shows me a list of
clients, or worse a slide full of client logos I will stand up,
take out my wallet walk to the presenter and show him pictures
of my children.
9. If the presenter hasn’t managed to
make me laugh within the first 2 minutes I will start laughing.

10. If the presentation is a corporate template I will leave the
room before the presentation starts."

Friday, January 16, 2009

Thursday, January 15, 2009

cruel or really really funny?

Minor bones

Should I be worried that my tuna sandwich may contain minor bones?

Do they mean minor bird? Minor child? Morris Minor? Asia Minor

They really need to be more specific.

Monday, January 12, 2009

The Macbook wheel

Mac introduces the Macbook Wheel. The best thing since unsliced sliced bread.

Just so you know this isn't wheel (ha ha ha ha)

I'm on a diet

my 2009 philosophy is See no Evil, Smell no Evil, Taste no Evil.

Eve couldn't resist the Apple, but she was a greedy bitch.

So I'm off to the gym today, and I'm going to see if I can go again tomorrow before work.

I'm uspet that I've lost my phone so have no MP3 Player for said Gym fun but fortunately my Gym has a dance room called "The Power Zone" (imagine a dark room, neon lights, screen, music videos, and lots of CV equipment).

Thursday, January 08, 2009

That's my bush

President Bush,

An elected idiot,

with quotes like:

"I'll be long gone before some smart person ever figures out what happened inside this Oval Office."
Washington DC, 12 May, 2008

"It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it."
Reuters, 5 May, 2000

"You know, one of the hardest parts of my job is to connect Iraq to the war on terror."
CBS News, Washington DC, 6 September, 2006

Check out more Bushism's at: