I'm looking for a new housemate.
Max (my current housemate) and I have been brainstorming things a new housemate should not say:
"Is there enough room for my drum kit?"
"I'm a jobless layabout who'll probably sell your stuff to buy meth"
"I only work nights and in the day demand absolute SILENCE"
"I hope you don't mind if I smoke the odd spliff... like everyday... in fact I'm high now" (I had this one before)
"I'm going to have a lot of late night callers... of the ederly persuasion"
"I hope you don't mind if I bring my four pitbulls"
"What star sign are you?"
"O I love the gays, you're going to love me! We're going to be BESTIE mates"
"Do you think the ceiling is strong enough to support a swing... did I say swing? I mean sling!"
"Is there electric in your loft? I want to set up a meth lab"
"O, I see you're near a school" rubs hands together.
"I hope you don't smoke, it upsets my shakras"
"Is there enough room for my collection of plastic ponies? I currently have three rooms worth"
"Are there a lot of cats in the area? I love cat meat"
"Does the house face east, I can't sleep if it doesn't face east"
"Has someone died in the room? No, ok... I'll give it a miss"
"You have a pretty face"
"Jesus loves you and I'm making it my mission to save you"
"I'm a fan of Justin Bieber"
If you're not one of these people then you can view my ad on Gumtree here.