Thursday, December 02, 2010

Alien invasion - what to do

Zombie invasion is highly likely and you should be prepared for this scenario - fortunately I have provided helpful hints in the event of a undead take over.

Another fear I have - The likely scenario of Alien invasion. Stephen Hawkings warns that we should be careful about advertising ourselves to the galaxy at large. It is certainly possible that life could exist out there in some guise and quite possible, considering the vast size of the universe that it is intelligent life.

Does life exist out there - that is a very debatable question. For the purposes of this post let's assume that:
  1. Alien life exists.
  2. Alien life is hostile to us.
  3. Alien life has the ability to reach earth.
How do you survive?

Unlike Zombie invasion there are more possible scenarios here. I will do my best to offer what advice I can to help you avoid your dimise in the likely scenario that our new Alien masters are on their way to wipe us out.

Survival first steps: INVASION

Leave the city - this is the first target. It is likely that the first cities will fall on a major American public holiday. Make sure you always have an American calendar and leave before these dates. It is important however you know your destination. Avoid the roads, these will be busy. If you cannot get out in time find somewhere safe and solid such as a subway tunnel or bunker. Note, ailen hordes may invest subway tunnels - barricade yourself somewhere safe.

Have a dog - Dogs are never klled in alien invasions. This is a fact. If you have a dog with you it is likely that your survival chances will increase. Why this maybe I do not know. Retreival dogs are ideal. Do not keep a doberman. It may be that you have mistaken Zombie invasion for an alien one, in which case Pooches will be a slavering mass of brain hungry zombie evil in a matter of hours.

Trust no one - it is a simple rule. Tust no one. The government may be in on it. Your mother may have been body snatched. Zombie invasions are survived by staying in numbers. Alien invasions are survived by loners. If you must keep loved ones with you do not seperate - if their minds are hijacked they may become your foe. Of course this depends on the type of invasion. If you are certain that the invaders cannot take over minds or take our form you may survive in a group - but I personally wouldn't take the risk and I'm sorry but, in the event, I would bludgeon those closest to me at the first opportunity. Safety first is not just a sexual health message!


Arm yourself - initially a crow bar will do. As soon as possible ensure you track down a knife or even better a pistol. Eventually you should upgrade this to some sort of semi-automatic weapon; take this from a soldier or police officer. Eventually you may encounter aliens which are more resistant to being shot in the head. Use their own weapons against them - the more elaborate the better. Remember to keep plenty of ammo to hand. During times of alien invasion you will find that people will horde ammo in crates in unusual places. Search these for survival.

Friendly aliens
Just as in Human society you have your good and bad eggs so perhaps our new alien masters may be dogged by the bane of descent. Think the 5th Column in V. However, if our new masters have travelled across the stars to reach us it is likely that the discidents will be hard to find. If you can, do! Alien friends are good friends.

Does Hitler like aliens?
No - however some of the earliest broadcasts into space featured the bad man himself. If you dress like Hitler aliens may think you are a powerful leader and wish to befriend you. Then again they may melt you on the spot.

Skyline approach
Is never an approach - it's a terrible movie and they die anyway.

Cloverfield model
If you find yourself in New York prepare yourself by watching Cloverfield. Don't take it as gospal - *SPOILER* They die in the end. Make sure you pack a cam corder.

Survival: Aftermath, they are leaving 
Now is the time things get really difficult. You face your biggest foe yet, man. Without the alien threat to unite you and most major cities destroyed you'll find youselves fighting over precious resources.

You must take the time to learn how to use alien technology. This will give you an advantage against those who might wish you harm. Tripods, saucers and alien weaponry will all work in your favour. Ideally you are not a loner. You have a band of trusted friends who can help you. Make sure to fortify yourself and stock up. I recommend green living as the way forward. You don't want to live without your creature comforts - solar panels, wind turbines, rain water toilets, hydroponics, blah, blah - scavanage the lot. See for ideas on green living - but learn how to now, before the aliens blow up the powerstations! If you can get electric cars even better (unless of course you have an 80ft Tripod with alien power core to roam in... trust me, rocking up at Sainsbury's is much cooler in a Tripod than a Nissan Leaf).

Useful links

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