Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Zombie Invasion - What to do

Last night I was watching the Walking Dead on FX It's a post-take over Zombie TV series. I highly recommend it if you're a fan of Zombie films. They follow the "Day of the dead" model as opposed to Resident Evil mutant Zombies or 28 Days Later can actually run after you Zombies.

Once again this got me thinking about the highly likely scenario of what to do in a Zombie invasion. The fact is I would probably just curl up in a ball and die if I didn't think about these things in advance. It's all about preparation!
Fortunately help is on hand. I'm not alone in my not unreasonable fear of the undead. Virgin have created a tool that let's your practice Zombie killing in your area using a Google maps mash-up. Ok I'm not sure they are actually that worried, in fact I think it may be some sort of advertising promotion - still it's a good start if you want to get an idea of how you might get the lay of your local area.

It is a serious issue. For an unbiased insight into the real threat of undead meltdown the BBC have a few thoughts which may be of use if things really go Zombie up.

More help is on hand - The Oatmeal has prepared this useful factsheet to help prepare you for the inevitable. Again very useful.

Although not strictly documentaries a couple of films exist that are quite useful. They are of course Shaun of the Dead and Zombieland.

Zombieland is probably the better for getting effective Zombie invasion tips. This is after all a serious problem we should all be worried about! However, Shaun of the Dead, for us brits, gives us an idea of how we might cope in a UK urban setting. I would agree that a pub is a solid and safe place to haul up - however I wouldn't recommend a Weatherspoons (in my experience they have large glass windows and unsuitable furniture). Perhaps an Edwards as their bar furniture tends to be solid and easily converted into weapons.

Now traditionally Zombie's are humans - however what if they weren't. Check out this helpful video which gives you an idea of a Cat Zombie invasion. Meow! Thank you Weebls-stuff.


Recognise the signs and the hungry expressions.They are generally similar to normal cat expressions. There are tells - are they bleeding, is their jaw missing, is their head backwards. Remember these points!

Zombie dogs can be seen in action by watching most Resident Evil films. Generally it seems only one breed of dog turns into a Zombie. That is the Doberman Pincher - I have yet to see a Zombie Springer Spaniel or Daschund. Theoretically it is possible but I would not be overly worried unless you have a Doberman. If you do have a Doberman I would recommend having the animal destroyed or giving it to a neighbour you don't particularly like. DO NOT BURY IT IN YOUR BACKYARD. This is just asking for trouble if indeed the dead rise.

Other pets may turn into a Zombie - I do not have reference material for what to do against most. I recommend keeping Zombie hamsters caged. Zombie tortoises probably present minimal threat, however rabbits have the potential to inflict considerable damage.Bone and carrots have a similar density that is surprising to most.

If you have the time and money you could consider Zombie proofing your house. There are probably cost effective ways to do this. Keeping a good supply of wooden boards, nails and hammers is always a good start. Don't forget about storing ample amounts of non-perishable food goods. If you have more money you can plan ahead and design a stylish Zombie proof house. There are architects who can help you, find out more about designing a Zombie proof abode here. You should consider that in the event of Zombie attack the power is likely to go out and you will be cut off from basic supplies. If you are so inclined living a green off-grid life style now can help prepare you for undead invasion. The basic principle is you must be self-sufficient. Micro-generation, hydroponics, etc can ensure you are not left without your creature comforts while your grand mother bangs on your door moaning "BRAINS". Try the Treehugger website for tips on the latest in green living.

Medical care should be another consideration. Keep a fully stocked first aid kit and take a first aid training course with the red cross or St Johns Ambulance as soon as you can. Befriending or marrying a nurse or doctor is very helpful. If you need serious care hospitals are a no go! If you've watched the movies you'll know these are where people generally start dying. Terminator 3 gave me a very useful tip - try raiding vets. They have similar supplies and lower population densities. Although do read the points on animal attack above first. Do not go into a vets unarmed. Pharmacies may also be helpful. Generally they are staffed by older persons who, as Zombies, will be easier to slaughter should they be on site when you make your raid.

Do be sure to document the events using a digital video camera. One day people may find this next to your half eaten corpse and make it into a documentary. However, if your friend is being mauled do not carry on filming - either help or run. Be sure to take your eyes off the lens once in awhile to be sure you are not about to be eaten.

The Isle of Dogs is not a safe place post-appocolypse. Do not live there - see 28 weeks later for why.

More useful links:
  • How to survive a Zombie attack
  • Top 7 Zombie Survival tips - very useful this one, wear body armour is a good un.
  • Halfords or B&Q - While these sites are not themselves dedicated to Zombie attack (they should really have a section) I would like to put the thought in your mind as they are useful stockists of weaponary. Be sure to note your nearest and print this article. In the event of a Zombie attack it is likely the internet could go down and Zombie call centres in India can probably not help you (because they have been turned into Zombies!)
  • Army surplus stores (find your local on Google) - while camo gear is generally not that helpful it does make you look cool and could possibly help boost your confidence. Confidence could mean the difference between life and undeath!
  • More how to survive a Zombie attack (on wikipedia) - some good tips here. It's good to know these things.
  • Why do Zombies like to eat brains - personally I'm not satisfied with the answers here.
  • Mathematical models of Zombie invasion - from Canada.
  • Sainsburys - I can't generally afford the higher premium of a Sainsbury. In the event of attack I would definately recommend stocking up here. Think of the people who go to Asda and you will realise they are practically undead already; if they were ACTUALLY undead Asda is probably too hazadous to risk. I have included a link to their store-locator so you can find your nearest one before the net goes down.
  • Zombie Biology - understand your foe!
  • Possible causes - theories on the possible causes of Zombieness.
  • Zombie party - not everyone is against Zombies. There are those campaigning for their human rights.This is almost as worrying as people who vote for the BNP. VOTING PRO-ZOMBIE IS NOT A GOOD IDEA (nor is voting for the BNP). CURE is another idiot organisation - fortunately I think this is just to do with games.
  • Zombie forum - join the community that may just save your life! Start here for survival tips.Stay up to date with the latest in surviving Zombie catastrophe by following their blog.

    I hope you find this useful. Please let me know if you have any more useful advice for Zombie attacks.

    Update: If the above doesn't help you can at least see what you'd look like as a Zombie here

    This is what I might look like just before I chew your faceoff.

    1 comment:

    Zombie Survival said...

    Well one could easily survive by just taking a few steps. A stilted home (like the ones in most beach areas) are ideal for zombie survival. But anywhere that you can either demolish or pull stairs up will be a forever safe haven against a zombie apocalypse. As zombies do not have the ability to jump you will be perfectly safe.

    I suggest somewhere above the snowline as once it snows the zombies will freeze and you will be able to forage for materials and maybe even find a new safe house for the next year.

    One could out live the entire apocalypse and die a normal death only due to getting old as long as they took the time to prepare. I suggest you do a bit of research on zombie survival as most people have the ability, but not the brains to actually survive.

    And the zombies would only last so long before rotting so chances are they are all gone long before you die of old age.